I can’t help but sometimes dislike that I have the ability to see the good in people, to look beyond actions, analyse, and create probabilities as to why they say and do things untoward. Is it because I don’t want people to be bad? That the harsh reality of people’s selfish nature is simply too much for my good willed personality? Sure I have a harsh side but I’ve never gone to great lengths to hurt someone.
Trust is such a precious gift so easily taken advantage of these days, as if its readily replaceable. It takes but a moment to take and so much time to rekindle. Or perhaps that’s why people break it to hurt others – they know how painful broken trust it, its gut wrenching. It’s that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something goes seriously wrong. In saying this its almost always done via text – its must be so easy not to say it to my face.
Indeed I have meet so many others from dating sites that are clearly so burnt and weathered from previous relationships that they are now made from porcelain. So scared they are of shattering they develop massive offense and defense mechanisms that go of with the slightest breeze. Have they ever wondered though that one person’s mistakes are not another’s?
It seems no matter how many times I get burnt, cry over a guy and swear I’ll never date again I always go back for more in the end. Weather it takes 2 days or 2 months the internal drive for a relationship of some sort overrides my brain telling me to give it up.
I have some friends whom have been single for literally years and when I mentioned to them recently that I wanted to just ‘give up’ on dating, to my surprise they told me not to. The response of “look at me, I’ve been single for years and it’s not good” made me think about weather it’s harder on your emotions to be alone or have someone and experience heart break.
I’m sure you could argue both sides until blue in the face but the fact remains that for most people something inside us longs for attention, touch, kisses even love otherwise online dating sites wouldn’t exist.
From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I dislike getting played…A lot (I’m sure no one likes it), one reason of course is the other person isn’t honest about what they want. The thing is when you first meet someone you tend to ignore some red flags that might pop up. In my recent case the room could have been painted red and I wouldn’t have seen it.
Why was I ignoring the red flags? Well it’s funny thing, it seems that where people work can have an effect on how much you trust them. So when a policeman comes along I mistakenly pushed aside any warnings and hit the ground running.
So here is the play book, I fell for the “I want to be exclusive with you” scenario. What that really meant was exclusive until I get what I want. It really does open your eyes when you on the other side of emotional manipulation, people can actually talk their way into the bedroom.
So what hope is there for me if I can’t see the forest through the trees? A chain saw?
You know what I’m talking about, you date someone, you end up doing things they want to do and spending time at their place. At first its awesome and exciting, new…whatever and then you realise that they are avoiding coming to your place because you don’t have cable.
I’ll admit the fact that I got to watch Tosh.O every tight was almost worth not being in my own bed. On the other hand guys who live on their own don’t really have the same house hold ways as women. I always herd the saying “it needs a woman’s touch” but I had not come across an example where this was hideously needed.
So when I broke up with crazy evil ex and started spending time at my own place, I realised I missed it. Also try this – try not wanting to impress the opposite sex – it means you get to wear what you want!
I find it oddly liberating that I don’t even want a guy to look at me right now. My ex has burned me with harassing phone texts because we broke up and the fact that I didn’t see it coming bothers me so much that I want nothing to do with men.
I’m almost at the point of thinking that most people are nuts and it’s only a hand full of people I know that are normal-ish. Perhaps I am lucky in my life in that this is the first time I’ve come across this in relationships. Either lucky or naive I guess – maybe even “wrapped in cotton wool”, so to speak from people’s crazy side.
That’s the thing about being married young and for 10 years; I didn’t experience much of relationships, just a boyfriend here and there.
Should I be grateful for this new experience? I’ve learnt a lot of course but I’m already cynical, skeptical and not trusting to a point, will this push me to a new level of “you can’t touch this”?
I still maintain my humor at the moment so I’m going to take that as a good sign. For example: “Ha my ex called me “Jubba” lol nice reference to Star Wars dip shit, you couldn’t think of anything better?”….(also just so you know I’m not fat – I am AUS size 12) Boooyah!
Thank god for casual sex, I mean I can handle being single if I’m not deprived of sex. There is always the concern I can’t separate my feelings from the act of sex. Is this just a girl thing I wonder?
Just like a romantic comedy I sometimes find myself looking at my phone just waiting to see if the guy I slept with the night before texts me. This is not cool at all, what am I the star of the movie “He’s just not that into you”?
The sex part of my brain is all good with the casual meeting with men, then my girl part of the brain – whom decision making is usually lead by hormones has other ideas the next day. I wonder if scientists have worked out how to treat clingy-ness (yeah I know its not really a word) or the over whelming sense of panic that my mum was right and casual sex does mean you are kind of a slut (old school I know).
Oh well if it’s a choice between hot sex with an orgasm or sitting at home watching tv – I choose sex!
I like to think I am a good judge of character, I’ll admit though when I like someone I do have my love goggles on and some things will slip through the cracks. A complete flick to a different personality though is quite a shock in mid argument with a partner.
From “I love you” to (and this is a true quote from my ex) “1 more thing b4 I go 4 good your a heartless bitch and I wish I had never met u I don’t love you at all I never did I hate u good riddance”.
So want to know what I did? I said I wanted to think about things….4 hours later after no contact he dropped everything I ever gave him at my front door and sent me that text.
The day after text “I miss you”…oh ok so you’re crazy – how did I miss that? How do people hide this so well in a relationship? A little grey cloud comes along and BOOM crazy town! So in light of this new experience I had recently, I do not want to date at all. Which is a good thing I know since a break from it all is probably what I need right now – just a holiday from living in Crazy town.