Eyes wide open

playerI dislike getting played…A lot (I’m sure no one likes it), one reason of course is the other person isn’t honest about what they want.  The thing is when you first meet someone you tend to ignore some red flags that might pop up.  In my recent case the room could have been painted red and I wouldn’t have seen it.

Why was I ignoring the red flags?   Well it’s funny thing, it seems that where people work can have an effect on how much you trust them.   So when a policeman comes along I mistakenly pushed aside any warnings and hit the ground running.

So here is the play book, I fell for the “I want to be exclusive with you” scenario.  What that really meant was exclusive until I get what I want.  It really does open your eyes when you on the other side of emotional manipulation, people can actually talk their way into the bedroom.

So what hope is there for me if I can’t see the forest through the trees? A chain saw?

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Not wanting a relationship doesn’t mean being alone…right?

guy-girlThank god for casual sex, I mean I can handle being single if I’m not deprived of sex.   There is always the concern I can’t separate my feelings from the act of sex.  Is this just a girl thing I wonder?

Just like a romantic comedy I sometimes find myself looking at my phone just waiting to see if the guy I slept with the night before texts me.  This is not cool at all, what am I the star of the movie “He’s just not that into you”?

The sex part of my brain is all good with the casual meeting with men, then my girl part of the brain – whom decision making is usually lead by hormones has other ideas the next day.  I wonder if scientists have worked out how to treat clingy-ness (yeah I know its not really a word) or the over whelming sense of panic that my mum was right and casual sex does mean you are kind of a slut (old school I know).

Oh well if it’s a choice between hot sex with an orgasm or sitting at home watching tv – I choose sex!

When the Ex’s booty calls you

There’s nothing more charming than an ex calling you up to see how you are with a hidden agenda.  Oh hi – how are you? Yep yep that’s great – do you want have some fun tonight?

women_phoneOk so we broke up or stopped seeing each other (for those non-committal types) for a reason, if the sex was that amazing I would have put up with you for longer.  Much to my dismay the phone call made me realise what kind of person I was dating, it’s amazing what you will put up with at the time.  Retrospect can be a bitch though when you think about all the idiots you dated that still have your phone number.

I guess the only moment I enjoyed out of that conversation was the fact that I could say no and that I was seeing someone.  To which he replied “so if anything happens give me a call”, I do believe the fact that you referred to us as having wicked sex means you are lower on the list I’m afraid.

You just did what in my mouth?

Upset girlWhen your beginning to know someone in the bedroom it can be hard to get a grasp of likes and dislikes, I get that.  I think this is where dirty talk before any action comes in handy for instance whispering in a guys ear “ I can’t wait for you to take control of me in the bedroom” denotes I like a man who will take the lead.

But not once have a said to a guy “Id like to taste your cum in my mouth unexpectedly please”.   Power to other women/guys who like this but I’m clearly not a fan.   I dated this guy for a while and things were getting a heated in the bedroom and me being the pleaser that I am I started to go down on him.

No more than 10 sec had passed and with no warning what so ever he came in my mouth.  I have never been so shocked by an act in the bedroom.  I could help my instant reaction of running to the sink and spitting out what was in my mouth and looking for some sort of hospital grade cleaner to deal with the taste.

What just happened? Had things changed in the bedroom edict department and I didn’t get the memo?  So I asked “why didn’t you warn me? “, the reply: “I didn’t think I had to”.   So this guy is 29 and he claims all of the girlfriends except one he had been with are happy to do this and one even got him to change his diet so she could taste it in his cum.

“So for the main meal I’ll have the Cum with a twist of lemon thanks.”  Look I’m not a prude ok but I don’t do everything in the bedroom either.

Treat them mean, keep them keen

Normally I’m opposed to this sort of banter, advice, whatever, but lately I’ve found the more I ignore and say no to this one guy the more attention I get.   Now I don’t like to play games – quite frankly I don’t have the time or resources to keep with them and I wouldn’t like it done to me.

Kick meIn saying that maybe I am playing games with this guy – I don’t really want to see him again but I’m not telling him to leave me alone either.

Perhaps it’s some desperate section in my mind telling me to keep option B open or that any attention can sometimes be good attention but I can’t seem to tell him to just leave me alone.

The reason I’m not interested, the second time I met him he pressured me to have sex.  Not only that, there was no warm up, just as he started kissing me he also started to grab my breasts and head for my pants.   Trust me there was no green light to do this.

In the end I decided to go but when we got to my car we chatted and he settled down – probably in defeat.  I started to then feel bad about it because he was so hard and up for it and thanks to my girl brain I slept with him because I felt bad.

It was bad sex at best – even as we started I was still unsure about doing it, I cried on the way home knowing he only wanted me for sex and thinking I would never hear from him again.  But wouldn’t you know it – it’s been a while and he is still messaging me – why?

I told him I’m not up for casual sex – perhaps it’s the challenge?  I never thought making it a chase would work especially after already having sex – have I misunderstood dating this whole time?

Sex – pleasurable but a dating complication

I can’t help but wonder from conversations I have had lately with guys, that they are happy to have sex early on in dating  but seem unaware of what this means for communication levels later on.  For me having sex means that you up the communication more, for example – texting and calling more.   The complication arises when they say “but we are just taking things slow”, but we added sex in – does that not mean we are in the fast lane now?Couple

It amazes me that sex has taken a back seat when it comes to what is important in a relationship.  It used to be and mean much more, I understand we are in the 21st century – but has sex lost all its meaning?

I dated a guy recently who claimed he wasn’t going to have sex with me until he was “in love” with me.  Honestly I was shocked, but I shouldn’t have been, this is how it used to be.  Maybe the shock was due to the fact that I thought I may not be having sex for a few months – I mean who knows how long it takes to fall in love with someone – right?

Before you think this guy is endearing I must mention he was happy with us to do everything but sex.  So perhaps oral sex has lost its important as well?  To me oral sex is at the same level if not more intimate than sex – or did I miss something?

Just casual sex please…Im not wanting a girlfriend right now

Man and women kissingSo why tick the “relationship” box on an online dating profile if you just after casual sex?  I’m quite often hearing these days the come back line from guys off “Let just see where this goes” after asking what he wants from this meeting.  What I wasn’t aware of is that the translation of that means “I don’t want a girlfriend I just want casual sex”.

I get it, I really do – sex is great but why not be honest with a girl?  I was for a while, only look for something casual myself so there must others out there, so why white lie to get laid?  Maybe if you said to a girl “Your sexy and I would like nothing more than to please you in the bedroom” you might get a different response to what you think!

Also there are web sites out there that are made just for hook ups – if dodge guys keep going on the online dating sites for causal sex they may just ruin it for the genuine ones who want a girlfriend.

I know personally, now that I have been duped a few times, I ask 20 questions to see if I guy just wants sex or something else?  I try not to ask them all at once but I’m sure this doesn’t come across in a very nice way – tact is no friend of mine either.

Me: so what do you want from this?
Guy: Not sure, just have some fun and see how things go?
Translation: Want to fuck? I’m so horny and I haven’t had sex in 2 weeks…
Me: (Picture me running off into the distance with a ball of dust behind)