Love is a drug but the drug won’t take me higher

loveisadrugIt seems no matter how many times I get burnt, cry over a guy and swear I’ll never date again I always go back for more in the end.  Weather it takes 2 days or 2 months the internal drive for a relationship of some sort overrides my brain telling me to give it up.

I have some friends whom have been single for literally years and when I mentioned to them recently that I wanted to just ‘give up’ on dating, to my surprise they told me not to.  The response of “look at me, I’ve been single for years and it’s not good” made me think about weather it’s harder on your emotions to be alone or have someone and experience heart break.

Countless songs and sayings such as “It is better to have loved than not at all” come to mind but there are also songs such as “Owner of a Lonely Heart” that beg to differ.  The chorus preaching “Owner of a lonely heart, much better than an owner of a broken heart”, so who is right?

I’m sure you could argue both sides until blue in the face but the fact remains that for most people something inside us longs for attention, touch, kisses even love otherwise online dating sites wouldn’t exist.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

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I don’t know if you know who you are until you lose who you are…

cow-girlYou know what I’m talking about, you date someone, you end up doing things they want to do and spending time at their place.  At first its awesome and exciting, new…whatever and then you realise that they are avoiding coming to your place because you don’t have cable.

I’ll admit the fact that I got to watch Tosh.O every tight was almost worth not being in my own bed.  On the other hand guys who live on their own don’t really have the same house hold ways as women.  I always herd the saying “it needs a woman’s touch” but I had not come across an example where this was hideously needed.

So when I broke up with crazy evil ex and started spending time at my own place, I realised I missed it.  Also try this – try not wanting to impress the opposite sex – it means you get to wear what you want!

You don’t really know someone until you break up with them

I like to think I am a good judge of character, I’ll admit though when I like someone I do have my love goggles on and some things will slip through the cracks.  A complete flick to a different personality though is quite a shock in mid argument with a partner.

crazy-manFrom “I love you” to (and this is a true quote from my ex) “1 more thing b4 I go 4 good your a heartless bitch and I wish I had never met u I don’t love you at all I never did I hate u good riddance”.

So want to know what I did?  I said I wanted to think about things….4 hours later after no contact he dropped everything I ever gave him at my front door and sent me that text.

The day after text “I miss you”…oh ok so you’re crazy – how did I miss that?  How do people hide this so well in a relationship?  A little grey cloud comes along and BOOM crazy town!  So in light of this new experience I had recently, I do not want to date at all.  Which is a good thing I know since a break from it all is probably what I need right now – just a holiday from living in Crazy town.

What do you want from this?

Ok at risk of sounding like I am in high school…will you by my boyfriend?
Seriously when and how does one ask about moving from dating into boyfriend hood?  It’s awkward and you have to put yourself out there because you telling the person you want to Young couplebe exclusive.

Sometimes though it’s already implied in the other persons mind then you look like an idiot for asking or they thought that was so far off that you then look way to needy.  Either way it’s a risk to want to categorise your relationship status.

So is there a need to categorise?   I find this comes up a lot when my friends ask me about who I am seeing and if it’s a date or something more serious.  Which then makes me think about it and in true girl style – over analyse and in turn ask the guy “so…what’s happening?”

Stop over analysing boys I hear you say? Oh if only it could see a surgeon that would cut that part out of my brain.  Life would be much simpler – but in saying that isn’t it nice to know where you stand?   To me it also comes as a safety net so that I don’t feel like I’m the only one risking something.   I’m just reluctant to say “so where do you see this going?”.