Smoke and mirrors

women.I can’t help but sometimes dislike that I have the ability to see the good in people, to look beyond actions, analyse, and create probabilities as to why they say and do things untoward.   Is it because I don’t want people to be bad? That the harsh reality of people’s selfish nature is simply too much for my good willed personality?  Sure I have a harsh side but I’ve never gone to great lengths to hurt someone.

Trust is such a precious gift so easily taken advantage of these days, as if its readily replaceable.  It takes but a moment to take and so much time to rekindle.  Or perhaps that’s why people break it to hurt others – they know how painful broken trust it, its gut wrenching.  It’s that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something goes seriously wrong.  In saying this its almost always done via text – its must be so easy not to say it to my face.

Indeed I have meet so many others from dating sites that are clearly so burnt and weathered from previous relationships that they are now made from porcelain.  So scared they are of shattering they develop massive offense and defense mechanisms that go of with the slightest breeze.  Have they ever wondered though that one person’s mistakes are not another’s?

Love is a drug but the drug won’t take me higher

loveisadrugIt seems no matter how many times I get burnt, cry over a guy and swear I’ll never date again I always go back for more in the end.  Weather it takes 2 days or 2 months the internal drive for a relationship of some sort overrides my brain telling me to give it up.

I have some friends whom have been single for literally years and when I mentioned to them recently that I wanted to just ‘give up’ on dating, to my surprise they told me not to.  The response of “look at me, I’ve been single for years and it’s not good” made me think about weather it’s harder on your emotions to be alone or have someone and experience heart break.

Countless songs and sayings such as “It is better to have loved than not at all” come to mind but there are also songs such as “Owner of a Lonely Heart” that beg to differ.  The chorus preaching “Owner of a lonely heart, much better than an owner of a broken heart”, so who is right?

I’m sure you could argue both sides until blue in the face but the fact remains that for most people something inside us longs for attention, touch, kisses even love otherwise online dating sites wouldn’t exist.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Eyes wide open

playerI dislike getting played…A lot (I’m sure no one likes it), one reason of course is the other person isn’t honest about what they want.  The thing is when you first meet someone you tend to ignore some red flags that might pop up.  In my recent case the room could have been painted red and I wouldn’t have seen it.

Why was I ignoring the red flags?   Well it’s funny thing, it seems that where people work can have an effect on how much you trust them.   So when a policeman comes along I mistakenly pushed aside any warnings and hit the ground running.

So here is the play book, I fell for the “I want to be exclusive with you” scenario.  What that really meant was exclusive until I get what I want.  It really does open your eyes when you on the other side of emotional manipulation, people can actually talk their way into the bedroom.

So what hope is there for me if I can’t see the forest through the trees? A chain saw?

Not wanting a relationship doesn’t mean being alone…right?

guy-girlThank god for casual sex, I mean I can handle being single if I’m not deprived of sex.   There is always the concern I can’t separate my feelings from the act of sex.  Is this just a girl thing I wonder?

Just like a romantic comedy I sometimes find myself looking at my phone just waiting to see if the guy I slept with the night before texts me.  This is not cool at all, what am I the star of the movie “He’s just not that into you”?

The sex part of my brain is all good with the casual meeting with men, then my girl part of the brain – whom decision making is usually lead by hormones has other ideas the next day.  I wonder if scientists have worked out how to treat clingy-ness (yeah I know its not really a word) or the over whelming sense of panic that my mum was right and casual sex does mean you are kind of a slut (old school I know).

Oh well if it’s a choice between hot sex with an orgasm or sitting at home watching tv – I choose sex!

Dating at Christmas

So you’ve met someone and things are going great then BAM its Christmas – you’re so screwed if you haven’t been listening to your partner waffle on about what they like etc.  Now is when you’ll regret just staring at their face thinking about kissing them while they were talking about their favourite place to shop.

xmasWhat’s bad is the more you let it get closer to Christmas the worse asking subtle questions are…so what did you say your favourite band was the other day? Fail…and then you’re left with a voucher scenario – another fail since usually this is a red flag that you haven’t been listening.

I recently had to tell a white lie because I left it to late “…so what’s your favourite MMA fighter again? My girlfriends and I at work are talking about Mixed Martial Arts….” Oh he so knows, well I think he does – meh the present is awesome anyway – what guy wouldn’t love a Anderson Silver shirt for Christmas right?

When the Ex’s booty calls you

There’s nothing more charming than an ex calling you up to see how you are with a hidden agenda.  Oh hi – how are you? Yep yep that’s great – do you want have some fun tonight?

women_phoneOk so we broke up or stopped seeing each other (for those non-committal types) for a reason, if the sex was that amazing I would have put up with you for longer.  Much to my dismay the phone call made me realise what kind of person I was dating, it’s amazing what you will put up with at the time.  Retrospect can be a bitch though when you think about all the idiots you dated that still have your phone number.

I guess the only moment I enjoyed out of that conversation was the fact that I could say no and that I was seeing someone.  To which he replied “so if anything happens give me a call”, I do believe the fact that you referred to us as having wicked sex means you are lower on the list I’m afraid.

Dating whilst wearing cranky pants

I really wanted to write some blogs this week but I can’t, I have PMS (Premenstrual syndrome).  That’s right – I’m at about 60% functionality when this happens, so what do I do? Cancel my life until it’s gone? I wish….you know dating when one has PMS is stressful but that’s just me, I can’t image how the guy feels.

GirlI’ll take everything he has to say negatively, I have no sense of humour so all jokes are at my expensive somehow.  He can’t say much right anyway and I can’t decide what to wear so I’m going to be late and self-conscious cause I’m still not going to be happy with my outfit I’ve chosen.  I also think I look fat no matter what – somehow PMS puts on 20k all over your body.

So I’ve gone with this lately…I’m seeing this guy at the moment and I like him a lot, so instead of inflicting a painful evening on him I told him I have PMS.  Instead of running for a minimum safe distance he volunteered to look after me.

So I relaxed because he knew I was cranky pants and not at him and we had a good night because I was allowed a certain amount of sooky time – isn’t life grand some times?