Eyes wide open

playerI dislike getting played…A lot (I’m sure no one likes it), one reason of course is the other person isn’t honest about what they want.  The thing is when you first meet someone you tend to ignore some red flags that might pop up.  In my recent case the room could have been painted red and I wouldn’t have seen it.

Why was I ignoring the red flags?   Well it’s funny thing, it seems that where people work can have an effect on how much you trust them.   So when a policeman comes along I mistakenly pushed aside any warnings and hit the ground running.

So here is the play book, I fell for the “I want to be exclusive with you” scenario.  What that really meant was exclusive until I get what I want.  It really does open your eyes when you on the other side of emotional manipulation, people can actually talk their way into the bedroom.

So what hope is there for me if I can’t see the forest through the trees? A chain saw?

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I don’t even want your attention

I find it oddly liberating that I don’t even want a guy to look at me right now.  My ex has burned me with harassing phone texts because we broke up and the fact that I didn’t see it coming bothers me so much that I want nothing to do with men.

angry-womenI’m almost at the point of thinking that most people are nuts and it’s only a hand full of people I know that are normal-ish.  Perhaps I am lucky in my life in that this is the first time I’ve come across this in relationships.  Either lucky or naive I guess – maybe even “wrapped in cotton wool”, so to speak from people’s crazy side.

That’s the thing about being married young and for 10 years; I didn’t experience much of relationships, just a boyfriend here and there.

Should I be grateful for this new experience? I’ve learnt a lot of course but I’m already cynical, skeptical and not trusting to a point, will this push me to a new level of “you can’t touch this”?

I still maintain my humor at the moment so I’m going to take that as a good sign.  For example: “Ha my ex called me “Jubba” lol nice reference to Star Wars dip shit, you couldn’t think of anything better?”….(also just so you know I’m not fat – I am AUS size 12) Boooyah!

You don’t really know someone until you break up with them

I like to think I am a good judge of character, I’ll admit though when I like someone I do have my love goggles on and some things will slip through the cracks.  A complete flick to a different personality though is quite a shock in mid argument with a partner.

crazy-manFrom “I love you” to (and this is a true quote from my ex) “1 more thing b4 I go 4 good your a heartless bitch and I wish I had never met u I don’t love you at all I never did I hate u good riddance”.

So want to know what I did?  I said I wanted to think about things….4 hours later after no contact he dropped everything I ever gave him at my front door and sent me that text.

The day after text “I miss you”…oh ok so you’re crazy – how did I miss that?  How do people hide this so well in a relationship?  A little grey cloud comes along and BOOM crazy town!  So in light of this new experience I had recently, I do not want to date at all.  Which is a good thing I know since a break from it all is probably what I need right now – just a holiday from living in Crazy town.

Being burnt by facebook

The first guy I ever dated after my separation I fell very much in love with.  We were together for about 4 months and although it wasn’t without its bad moments, I really enjoyed being with him.  But as they say “every rose has its thorn” and this one came in the form of an ex F@#K buddy who was in love with him still.

Guy using an iphoneHe denies knowing this and when she came back from being overseas, she made a very big impact on our relationship.  So I try and do the right thing and I try not to be bothered about him seeing her still as long as he is honest about it – right?

Now this is where facebook comes in – bring friends with your boyfriend on facebook is almost like having an online nanny following him during the day – if he uses it all the time.  Especially if your then friends with his friends – the trail of “when and where” he is, can be addictive and bitterly truthful.  The problem with this is – everyone can see this when it goes badly.

So he tells me he is out with his guy friend – ok.  Then his guy friend tags him and is ex F@#K buddy at lunch.  So???? Did you forget to mention her being there?   Of course an argument happens and amongst other reasons we part ways.

So I wasn’t all that upset with him going out with that girl – it was finding out on facebook that killed it for me – finding out your boyfriend is lying to you via a status update bites the big one.

Break up via just not calling you back…

There is one post I have been dying to write – its the Defense Force Guy entry….

Ok so 2nd guy I dated after I separated – tall, cute, smart – oh my god smart…Im talking can write down the first 100 numbers of pie from memory smart.  Just one small problem – he gets so nervous around me he has to vomit.  Now Im not writing this to make fun of him – certainly that’s not cool – but frick the guy broke my heart 3 times so I have to mention it!

1st broken heart scenario – we fall in love, he gets busy with his job – gets to go on some heavy 007 top secret training he cant tell me about – he gets stressed – I make some stupid comment about putting me first – for which I apologize – doesn’t return my calls!

THATS RIGHT – its the break up via non communication – seriously..have you ever had this happen to you?  What kind of person does this? Do you know how long it takes a naive person to work out they have been dumped this way? At-least 48 hours, I mean all different thoughts of what happened to him where going through my head…..He’s been sent away overseas and they took his phone and robbed him of any internet connection and paper and pens…..pfftt.   How does one explain this to their friends? Hey Im single – well I think I am?

Arh and this takes a while to get over to…have you ever tried dating someone after this?
You freak out if they haven’t returned your call within 24hrs – do you know how crazy this looks? Let me tell you – VERY!

So you would think I learnt my lesson the first time – well love is blinding, 3 times blind – Ill tell you more laters.