Not wanting a relationship doesn’t mean being alone…right?

guy-girlThank god for casual sex, I mean I can handle being single if I’m not deprived of sex.   There is always the concern I can’t separate my feelings from the act of sex.  Is this just a girl thing I wonder?

Just like a romantic comedy I sometimes find myself looking at my phone just waiting to see if the guy I slept with the night before texts me.  This is not cool at all, what am I the star of the movie “He’s just not that into you”?

The sex part of my brain is all good with the casual meeting with men, then my girl part of the brain – whom decision making is usually lead by hormones has other ideas the next day.  I wonder if scientists have worked out how to treat clingy-ness (yeah I know its not really a word) or the over whelming sense of panic that my mum was right and casual sex does mean you are kind of a slut (old school I know).

Oh well if it’s a choice between hot sex with an orgasm or sitting at home watching tv – I choose sex!

You don’t really know someone until you break up with them

I like to think I am a good judge of character, I’ll admit though when I like someone I do have my love goggles on and some things will slip through the cracks.  A complete flick to a different personality though is quite a shock in mid argument with a partner.

crazy-manFrom “I love you” to (and this is a true quote from my ex) “1 more thing b4 I go 4 good your a heartless bitch and I wish I had never met u I don’t love you at all I never did I hate u good riddance”.

So want to know what I did?  I said I wanted to think about things….4 hours later after no contact he dropped everything I ever gave him at my front door and sent me that text.

The day after text “I miss you”…oh ok so you’re crazy – how did I miss that?  How do people hide this so well in a relationship?  A little grey cloud comes along and BOOM crazy town!  So in light of this new experience I had recently, I do not want to date at all.  Which is a good thing I know since a break from it all is probably what I need right now – just a holiday from living in Crazy town.

Dating at Christmas

So you’ve met someone and things are going great then BAM its Christmas – you’re so screwed if you haven’t been listening to your partner waffle on about what they like etc.  Now is when you’ll regret just staring at their face thinking about kissing them while they were talking about their favourite place to shop.

xmasWhat’s bad is the more you let it get closer to Christmas the worse asking subtle questions are…so what did you say your favourite band was the other day? Fail…and then you’re left with a voucher scenario – another fail since usually this is a red flag that you haven’t been listening.

I recently had to tell a white lie because I left it to late “…so what’s your favourite MMA fighter again? My girlfriends and I at work are talking about Mixed Martial Arts….” Oh he so knows, well I think he does – meh the present is awesome anyway – what guy wouldn’t love a Anderson Silver shirt for Christmas right?

When the Ex’s booty calls you

There’s nothing more charming than an ex calling you up to see how you are with a hidden agenda.  Oh hi – how are you? Yep yep that’s great – do you want have some fun tonight?

women_phoneOk so we broke up or stopped seeing each other (for those non-committal types) for a reason, if the sex was that amazing I would have put up with you for longer.  Much to my dismay the phone call made me realise what kind of person I was dating, it’s amazing what you will put up with at the time.  Retrospect can be a bitch though when you think about all the idiots you dated that still have your phone number.

I guess the only moment I enjoyed out of that conversation was the fact that I could say no and that I was seeing someone.  To which he replied “so if anything happens give me a call”, I do believe the fact that you referred to us as having wicked sex means you are lower on the list I’m afraid.

Dating whilst wearing cranky pants

I really wanted to write some blogs this week but I can’t, I have PMS (Premenstrual syndrome).  That’s right – I’m at about 60% functionality when this happens, so what do I do? Cancel my life until it’s gone? I wish….you know dating when one has PMS is stressful but that’s just me, I can’t image how the guy feels.

GirlI’ll take everything he has to say negatively, I have no sense of humour so all jokes are at my expensive somehow.  He can’t say much right anyway and I can’t decide what to wear so I’m going to be late and self-conscious cause I’m still not going to be happy with my outfit I’ve chosen.  I also think I look fat no matter what – somehow PMS puts on 20k all over your body.

So I’ve gone with this lately…I’m seeing this guy at the moment and I like him a lot, so instead of inflicting a painful evening on him I told him I have PMS.  Instead of running for a minimum safe distance he volunteered to look after me.

So I relaxed because he knew I was cranky pants and not at him and we had a good night because I was allowed a certain amount of sooky time – isn’t life grand some times?

 

 

Dating advice from books – take only what you need to survive

So after being in the dating game for a while and realising I had no idea what I was doing, I turned to a professional for advice.  This came in the form of a couple of different books.  Some advice was the same as my friends had given me “just stop looking, he will find you”.

To be honest I always secretly hated that advice especially hearing it over and over again.  So what I’m supposed to do, just sit around and wait for Mr Right to come my way?  It sounds powerless and like a whole lot of dependence on guys.
On one hand I’m reading “The Catch” written by Samantha Brett, which tells you to live your life and ignore guys (to the point where you don’t talk to them for a 30 day boot camp) then they will come flocking to you, all this after you have gone through all the boot camp instructions.

On the other hand I’m reading “This is how” by Augusten Burroughs, which talks about how you should go out and meet people (guys and girls) that are interesting and add value to your life.

I prefer the latter books advice; it’s based in reality and this century’s idea on meeting people.  The idea being you just go out and meet as many people as you can – not dates just interesting people to fill your life with.

You just did what in my mouth?

Upset girlWhen your beginning to know someone in the bedroom it can be hard to get a grasp of likes and dislikes, I get that.  I think this is where dirty talk before any action comes in handy for instance whispering in a guys ear “ I can’t wait for you to take control of me in the bedroom” denotes I like a man who will take the lead.

But not once have a said to a guy “Id like to taste your cum in my mouth unexpectedly please”.   Power to other women/guys who like this but I’m clearly not a fan.   I dated this guy for a while and things were getting a heated in the bedroom and me being the pleaser that I am I started to go down on him.

No more than 10 sec had passed and with no warning what so ever he came in my mouth.  I have never been so shocked by an act in the bedroom.  I could help my instant reaction of running to the sink and spitting out what was in my mouth and looking for some sort of hospital grade cleaner to deal with the taste.

What just happened? Had things changed in the bedroom edict department and I didn’t get the memo?  So I asked “why didn’t you warn me? “, the reply: “I didn’t think I had to”.   So this guy is 29 and he claims all of the girlfriends except one he had been with are happy to do this and one even got him to change his diet so she could taste it in his cum.

“So for the main meal I’ll have the Cum with a twist of lemon thanks.”  Look I’m not a prude ok but I don’t do everything in the bedroom either.