I don’t even want your attention

I find it oddly liberating that I don’t even want a guy to look at me right now.  My ex has burned me with harassing phone texts because we broke up and the fact that I didn’t see it coming bothers me so much that I want nothing to do with men.

angry-womenI’m almost at the point of thinking that most people are nuts and it’s only a hand full of people I know that are normal-ish.  Perhaps I am lucky in my life in that this is the first time I’ve come across this in relationships.  Either lucky or naive I guess – maybe even “wrapped in cotton wool”, so to speak from people’s crazy side.

That’s the thing about being married young and for 10 years; I didn’t experience much of relationships, just a boyfriend here and there.

Should I be grateful for this new experience? I’ve learnt a lot of course but I’m already cynical, skeptical and not trusting to a point, will this push me to a new level of “you can’t touch this”?

I still maintain my humor at the moment so I’m going to take that as a good sign.  For example: “Ha my ex called me “Jubba” lol nice reference to Star Wars dip shit, you couldn’t think of anything better?”….(also just so you know I’m not fat – I am AUS size 12) Boooyah!

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7 thoughts on “I don’t even want your attention

  1. Hahaha love the post,you made it funny. My ex also decided to harass me out of the blue and it stings because he caught me offgaurd. Now am being careful and not trusting any guy so that it doesn’t happen again. Reading your post now am laughing at my own experience. http://girldiaries101.wordpress.com/

    • Sorry to hear that happened to you as well – glad I made you laugh though! I tried to see the funny side – thanks for your comment I really appreciate it. Good luck with your love life 🙂

  2. It isn’t that you have to stay away from men or allow your ex to still be in control of your life by staying in pain. Trust me this path will never kill him or hurt him the way you hurt now he will not experience either.

    You can make a choice or decision to heal what you didn’t give to yourself in the first place. You find this at this moment. You realize that you are beautiful, you are exceptional in being and that true love is the very thing you give yourself to show another at some point how to share and give it to you as well. If you feel that you can just be bitter. I encourage you to not go that route. It is much more freeing to forgive yourself to forgive him and then give yourself what you truly want and deserve in the first place.

    Any pain you wish for him to feel will only be done deeply by this mirror effect. You learned a great deal in your time and in this moment is not a place of being in more pain yet embracing it to place love inside of it. Knowing this you can mold all the things about you that gave you love and pain in place to make your masterpiece for yourself. That is truly love my friend.. it is not about how much time you need to realize this or to heal or find more reason’s to not trust. The trust you give yourself will give you what you need the most. Beautiful post! Many feel this way at the end of something, yet they never hear it inside themselves to hear that voice that points to this very message. Hope it helped… Sending love to heal your way. Clark

    • Hello, Ive thought a lot about weather or not I should reply to this comment. On one hand Im so appreciative of your kinds thoughts and the fact that you took time out to write to me. On the other hand Im a true pessimist and quite cynical so its hard for me to read unbridled optimism. So perhaps I leave you with this, for as much heartache I have had I do and always eventually come back, but not always with an full open heart.

      • My friend… for every opposite whether it be in pain or true love.. you seek it’s path to the other side.. So whether you can determine this is the path you seek or not.. realize sometimes it just has to have balance. Love is coming to you whether you seek it or not. Just as every beginning has an end.. Every pain has it’s awakening.

      • That’s quite beautiful…love will come to you if you seek it or not – I like that a lot. Its nice that you take the time to write to me. I read this last night and Ill be honest, some tears welled in my eyes – some days seem so hard at the moment.

      • Realize the release is part of that love.. hence why we cry. You can only take it what can grow out of you my friend. This is the first step in any great love. It comes from no longer seeking to find yourself in objects, other people and well this physical realm. Realize you are the love you possess. No time like the present moment! 😉

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