Being in a relationship

instagram-in-a-nutshell_258586-612xWell for those people still following me I understand if you’re annoyed at waiting for the next post…cause its been a while.  Want to know why? Sure you do ! Ive meet someone…I know its sudden and I’m sorry we haven’t spoken in a while, this must be hard for you but it seems I’m actually in a healthy relationship.

So I find it hard to write about my life as its no great hideous dating story you can all laugh at..how boring is love? I mean who likes it when their friends tell them about how awesome their boyfriend or girlfriend is – I don’t even like it and I’m in love!

Speaking of which if I see one more “my boyfriend is amazing” status on facebook my head will explode.  Its not even just on FB, have you seen Instagram! If you want to advertise how fucking awesome your life is then I would recommend getting an account and taking selfies of you and your partner as soon as possible cause its a mad race to who has the best life ever in the form of picts and current status.  We all know how important that is and well, dependable accurate information.

So Im going to try and write about relationships without all the gooey bits, dare I say it may even be free of selfies, actually I can definitely say that.

Smoke and mirrors

women.I can’t help but sometimes dislike that I have the ability to see the good in people, to look beyond actions, analyse, and create probabilities as to why they say and do things untoward.   Is it because I don’t want people to be bad? That the harsh reality of people’s selfish nature is simply too much for my good willed personality?  Sure I have a harsh side but I’ve never gone to great lengths to hurt someone.

Trust is such a precious gift so easily taken advantage of these days, as if its readily replaceable.  It takes but a moment to take and so much time to rekindle.  Or perhaps that’s why people break it to hurt others – they know how painful broken trust it, its gut wrenching.  It’s that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something goes seriously wrong.  In saying this its almost always done via text – its must be so easy not to say it to my face.

Indeed I have meet so many others from dating sites that are clearly so burnt and weathered from previous relationships that they are now made from porcelain.  So scared they are of shattering they develop massive offense and defense mechanisms that go of with the slightest breeze.  Have they ever wondered though that one person’s mistakes are not another’s?

Love is a drug but the drug won’t take me higher

loveisadrugIt seems no matter how many times I get burnt, cry over a guy and swear I’ll never date again I always go back for more in the end.  Weather it takes 2 days or 2 months the internal drive for a relationship of some sort overrides my brain telling me to give it up.

I have some friends whom have been single for literally years and when I mentioned to them recently that I wanted to just ‘give up’ on dating, to my surprise they told me not to.  The response of “look at me, I’ve been single for years and it’s not good” made me think about weather it’s harder on your emotions to be alone or have someone and experience heart break.

Countless songs and sayings such as “It is better to have loved than not at all” come to mind but there are also songs such as “Owner of a Lonely Heart” that beg to differ.  The chorus preaching “Owner of a lonely heart, much better than an owner of a broken heart”, so who is right?

I’m sure you could argue both sides until blue in the face but the fact remains that for most people something inside us longs for attention, touch, kisses even love otherwise online dating sites wouldn’t exist.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Eyes wide open

playerI dislike getting played…A lot (I’m sure no one likes it), one reason of course is the other person isn’t honest about what they want.  The thing is when you first meet someone you tend to ignore some red flags that might pop up.  In my recent case the room could have been painted red and I wouldn’t have seen it.

Why was I ignoring the red flags?   Well it’s funny thing, it seems that where people work can have an effect on how much you trust them.   So when a policeman comes along I mistakenly pushed aside any warnings and hit the ground running.

So here is the play book, I fell for the “I want to be exclusive with you” scenario.  What that really meant was exclusive until I get what I want.  It really does open your eyes when you on the other side of emotional manipulation, people can actually talk their way into the bedroom.

So what hope is there for me if I can’t see the forest through the trees? A chain saw?

If you don’t look they will come

dont-lookSounds familiar? It usually comes from people who are in relationships who don’t know what else to say to single people (which quite frankly makes me want to high five them to the face).  Oh so what you’re saying is I should stop going on dates/meeting people and prince charming will just appear at the local shopping centre and start talking to me?  Doubt it…

On the other hand…being recently single and burnt from harassing texts after my ex and I broke up, I decided that I wouldn’t let him win and I put myself back out there.   In saying that this time was different, I wasn’t looking for a relationship nor NSA fun.  So where does that leave me? Somewhere in the middle I guess.

The good thing is I don’t care anymore, there is no self-applied pressure to make the next guy I met my boyfriend.  To be honest I don’t have the energy for being with someone, changing and bending just a little to make it work.  I know compromise is important when it comes to relationships but in retrospective I do it too much.

So the first guy I met for coffee from an online dating site gave me a bit too much of an opinion about well…everything, even my profile spiel!  All good, nice to meet you and good bye.  The second guy I met recently seems real, educated and with just the right amount of life baggage.  So I wasn’t looking to get into anything when he came along and now he has asked to me to date exclusively…were the relationship people right all along?

I don’t know if you know who you are until you lose who you are…

cow-girlYou know what I’m talking about, you date someone, you end up doing things they want to do and spending time at their place.  At first its awesome and exciting, new…whatever and then you realise that they are avoiding coming to your place because you don’t have cable.

I’ll admit the fact that I got to watch Tosh.O every tight was almost worth not being in my own bed.  On the other hand guys who live on their own don’t really have the same house hold ways as women.  I always herd the saying “it needs a woman’s touch” but I had not come across an example where this was hideously needed.

So when I broke up with crazy evil ex and started spending time at my own place, I realised I missed it.  Also try this – try not wanting to impress the opposite sex – it means you get to wear what you want!

I don’t even want your attention

I find it oddly liberating that I don’t even want a guy to look at me right now.  My ex has burned me with harassing phone texts because we broke up and the fact that I didn’t see it coming bothers me so much that I want nothing to do with men.

angry-womenI’m almost at the point of thinking that most people are nuts and it’s only a hand full of people I know that are normal-ish.  Perhaps I am lucky in my life in that this is the first time I’ve come across this in relationships.  Either lucky or naive I guess – maybe even “wrapped in cotton wool”, so to speak from people’s crazy side.

That’s the thing about being married young and for 10 years; I didn’t experience much of relationships, just a boyfriend here and there.

Should I be grateful for this new experience? I’ve learnt a lot of course but I’m already cynical, skeptical and not trusting to a point, will this push me to a new level of “you can’t touch this”?

I still maintain my humor at the moment so I’m going to take that as a good sign.  For example: “Ha my ex called me “Jubba” lol nice reference to Star Wars dip shit, you couldn’t think of anything better?”….(also just so you know I’m not fat – I am AUS size 12) Boooyah!